Dangerously Transparent

Someone came by looking for an answer today-one that I thought was worth sharing since they didn’t leave a name or email. It goes to prove why my blog is successful-people want honest answers when they ask legitimate questions. All of you pastors and wives-LISTEN up! This one isn’t for church people, it’s directed at us.

Is it appropriate for a PASTOR or a PASTOR’S wife to pay another member’s spouse a compliment specifically about how they look physically?

Sad, that someone is searching anonymously on the internet for a straight answer. It breaks my heart to say it, but church is not a safe zone like it was at one time. Do I know a pastor who has had an affair? I know a few. Do I know any pastor’s wives that have had an affair? I do. Any I call friends? Absolutely. I’ll re-emphasize, we aren’t perfect. Some that I’m familiar with were unfaithful before they were saved or entered the ministry; then again, I think of those who had been in pastoring for years when it took place.

Ministers & spouses don’t get a pass to have sex of any kind outside of marriage. We’re not that divine. If you categorically deny the accusations-have the decency to step down for a significant period for your family and the church. I’m not one who thinks that this should permanently ban anyone from resuming a ministry role in the future, but if we won’t ordain a man as a deacon or minister if he’s been divorced, we shouldn’t be too lenient with an unfaithful pastor who was fortunate enough to keep his family together. To me, a salvaged marriage after infidelity is one of the most POWERFUL testimonies about GOD’S ability to fix broken things. But, only if contriteness and true remorse was exemplified for the SIN-not merely the shame of getting caught.

Once, we belonged to a church with several full time pastors on staff. One staff member was so flirtatious whenever I would come into contact with him-that I wouldn’t go to Sunday School (we were in the same department) if Chipper was out of town. I wasn’t all that special-I’d begun to notice the way that he ogled a lot of women.

This man didn’t try to hide that he admired me. He went so far one Wednesday evening to inquire whether or not I was home alone because I was there without Chipper. I considered going to the head Pastor-but the man had been employed at the church for years and I understood staff loyalty.

I handled it by being OVERLY cold shouldered every time that he approached me. He was persistent but finally got my drift. His womanizing eventually caught up with him when an affair with another member’s wife was exposed.

After the man moved, I had the opportunity to tell the Pastor that I had been dealing with the man’s inappropriate behavior several months and I asked point blank if he would’ve believed me if I had come to him about it. I respected our pastor for being so honest. I probably wouldn’t have and I apologize that you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me.

Last night, I read a story on AOL about a twenty nine year old youth pastor’s wife in Illinois-who was counseling a sixteen year old in her home for internet porn addiction. I applaud this pastor and how he responded to a firestorm event. When she confided to him that she was having sex with this kid multiple times a week, he didn’t call a board meeting to help him concoct a cover up; he called the authorities. She’s been charged for having sex multiple times a week with a minor. I believe this church will recover faster than those who sweep criminal activity under the rug. But, then again, why does anybody care what I think?

It is NEVER appropriate for a married pastor or their spouse to flirt with anyone. NO exceptions to the rules. My personality is one of a nurturer so I tend to reach out &  touch someone when I’m speaking to them. I have to be mindful of what comes naturally because if my actions are perceived the wrong way, I’ve created a problem. The same goes for a friendly pastor type. Oh dudes! BE  CAREFUL because you never know who might be looking for something to get you into trouble.

I’d suggest to any woman or man; if a pastor(or his wife) offers to counsel you after office hours-and doesn’t mention having another person there with you, NO DEAL. Same holds true for teenagers..boys and girls.

I came across a story last year about a large church in Lakeland, Florida. Suspicions surfaced about a male youth worker after some boys started showing up with new skateboards, clothes, money, etc. This man was paying for sexual acts with things that teens want. My son or daughter would NEVER fall for that. Those parents thought the same thing. Peer pressure is a big deal and being able to impress your friends by having those status symbols can be extremely tempting. Like it or not, we have a society that measures who we are by what we have. VERY SAD but true.

Bottom line-don’t PLAY stupid. Paying someone a COMPLIMENT & FLIRTING with them are not the same thing. We all KNOW the difference-and so do they.

Last night my Chipper and I had a lonng talk about where we’ve been and where it seems that we’re heading. We’ve been in limbo many times throughout our married life, but, never with this magnitude of uncertainty. Our hearts are at a place of abandoned surrender and yet-we’ve turned down the opportunity to potentially pastor two churches. We’ve been at this a long time and we’ve learned how vitally important it is to WAIT on the LORD-to LISTEN for HIS instructions. As ready as we are to hear PROCEED-we know that HE has not spoken those words.

I’m an impatient girl by human nature-so my spiritual twin has been working overtime-We AREN’T moving until our FATHER says GO so whatever you need to do to stay put until then, do it. By human nature, I’m also stubborn and strong willed, thus my spiritual twin must keep reminding me-you DECREASE so that HE can increase.

As Chipper and I chatted, we marveled and moaned at how much it has taken out of us, physically, mentally and quite honestly, spiritually. CHRISTIANS do struggle spiritually-even when we aren’t backsliding. Look no further than JESUS in the garden of Gethsemane. I love the imagery of a PERFECT SAVIOR sweating blood tears. The human side of CHRIST didn’t want to go through the horrible ordeal of Crucifixion-in allowing us to watch HIM prepare for something that HIS human side DID NOT WANT TO DO, I find amazing comfort knowing that HE understands how I feel when my back is pushed hard against the wall. HE experienced it firsthand-in the most unimaginable way. Can you comprehend agony that intense? I can’t.

I was telling my Chipper that I was considering ending my blog. When I agreed to chronicle last year’s journey-I knew that it’d take a toll on me to relive it daily. My entries start out at twice the words that you read-I type like I talk-A LOT and to be sure that I was writing only the GOD led words, I spent 8-10 hours a day not only writing, but checking our files to make sure that what I reported was accurate and factual. Then there were all of the emails and comments to answer. Oh, please don’t stop leaving the comments or sending emails. You have NO idea how much inspiration your words have been to all of us!

But, I’ve been wondering for a few weeks now if the time has come for me to go back to the books, songs, ladies conference topics-all the stuff that kept my pen moving before the blog took off and took over my time!

Chipper said that it was my decision-although he felt that it was a mistake to quit when I’ve just begun scratching the surface of blog success. He emphasized how many people read an average blog and how many regularly read mine. He reminded me about several who especially benefited from my “transparency”.  My husband knows that I can be convinced to do most anything if you show me the money-prove that it works & I’ll keep at it-an annoying, facet of my perfectionist personality if I’m honest. The man gazed into my eyes and declared that I was all about the SUNRISE, not the sunset...gag…

Yesterday, I had the highest number of hits since Dangerously Transparent began. Traffic for Lori’s Story was significant enough to prompt an internet retailer to place an ad underneath the post without asking! A Christian Clothing Company-who I assume saw my sisters’ pictures and wanted to sign them up for business or modeling.

“Spare me the dramatics and the sales pitch, too”, I advised… and then went on to explain to him that it’s a very daunting endeavor to be so personal and transparent. The cruel truth is, faking it is waay easier and you get waaay less criticism. And besides, I added with an exaggerated, poor, pitiful, little ol’ me-Penelope PitStop-sigh- why do people care what I think?

He answered-Honestly? I think one thing that makes your blog work is that-you’re true to yourself-you’re chaotic and all over the place about everything from whining women to wind chimes; people don’t know what to expect-your titles don’t really give a clue what your posts are about so people are compelled to read the whole thing. Like, where did ETHEL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT come from? Nobody I know thinks the wacky way you do! I listen to what you have to say-whether I agree with you or not.

MEN-they’ve always got to show off their manhood just a little don’t they?!

Have you ever wondered that? Why do people care what you think? I’m not being sarcastic-why do people who live outside of my house-give a second thought to what I say, think or do?

I guess-for the same reasons I found myself looking at Jessica Simpson’s photos last night during President O’Bama’s uh-speech. Jess’s boyfriend was trying to get her to their car unnoticed. Why did I care what explanations her peeps offered-the picture spoke the truth-she wasn’t tired, stressed out from too much work or disoriented because of her cold medications; the poor girl was dead dog drunk. It BROKE my heart to see this beautiful and incredibly gifted, young woman in such a disheveled condition.

Throw stones-that’s what we CHRISTIANS do best. When I looked at those horribly unflattering shots, they literally brought tears to my eyes. It was like her eyes looked straight at me (as straight as she could look anyway). I saw a plea for my prayers-not my haha’s, she’s trailer trash, has been, washed up, fat and all of the other stuff that’s said about her. She’s got a double strike against her. Her dad was a youth pastor- I don’t feel sorry for her-she should KNOW better.

Maybe she should but maybe she doesn’t. And, even if she does know better, I know better than to make some of the choices that I make as well..I hope that you’re honest enough to admit that you’re not perfect, either. I don’t want to be naive-NON-CHRISTIANS do care what I think-and if I’d stop worrying about what the I will not be spotted by the world CHRISTIANS in my circle think-I’d be more prone to THINK and ACT like JESUS.

If my JESUS had been standing outside that bar when Jessica stumbled out, I know one thing-he would not have STOOD by and done nothing. He would not have laughed at her, called her names, or made her feel like dirt under his feet. MY CHRIST would’ve shown compassion to someone who obviously needed it. HE would’ve put HIS hand over the camera lens and told those stone throwers to GET LOST. That’s the CHRIST I serve-that’s THE ONE I want to pattern my actions behind.

Some of our dearest friends, Larry and Sandra Kelly, from Denham Springs, La., have a ministry at Angola Prison-I’m motivated by their desire to mingle among thieves, drug users & dealers, rapists, murderers, pedophiles and prostitutes-the Kelly’s are carrying JESUS where many of us CHRISTIANS will not go.

Granted, not all of us are called, like Larry and Sandra are-to go into such a place, but-that doesn’t eliminate the responsibility of finding where GOD does expect us to share HIM.  How will THEY know unless we tell them? From the girl next door JESSICA-to the mass murdering BUNDY. Do you hear what I’m saying?

So, I came to the conclusion that maybe it’s not time to put the blog to rest. If I’ve prompted even a few to rethink that good ol’ boy mentality of what going to church is all about and challenged the authority of those in leadership who have no business being there, this blog has been more successful than I realize.

Pointing fingers and turning up our noses is NOT bringing people to JESUS-it’s pushing them closer towards hell. I’m determined to to look at and respond to MY world with HIS eyes by staying in THE WORD to ensure that what I think is reflective of what CHRIST thinks- not,what the Christians, think. Now there’s something monumental for me to think about.

  Brandon Heath’s GIVE ME YOUR EYES

People sometimes make the assumption that I’m arrogant. The reality is that I’d love to have a small sprinkling of arrogance just to counteract the true me, a woman with a total lack of self confidence. Besides, if I had a tendency to think highly of myself, GOD devised a plan that keeps me humble-three little sisters. I was almost five when the first one came out screaming-Move over & give me some room will ya, sista! About the time I’d moved from that one’s shadow, here came another one and another one!

Lori’s always been SMARTER

Amy’s always been FUNNIER

Kelly’s always been PRETTIER

My sisters each shine in unique ways and I love them beyond words. I’ve told you about Mama and Daddy & WAY too much about me so I’ll introduce the girls now, one by one. An age guide-I’m 4 & 1/2 years older than Lori, 7 older than Amy and almost 10 years older than Kelly. I earned the title mother hen!!

Lori Lynn Cribb Hurston-is not only the smartest (Valedictorian and offered a scholarship to Princeton), she’s by far the quietest and probably the most polite. When Amy, Kelly and I want to ruffle Mama’s feathers, we moan that Lori has always been Daddy’s favorite..we know better- but, she is the most like him, personality wise. Lori doesn’t lose her temper as quickly as the other three of us and do NOT count on her to get all up in your business-because if she’s not involved, she’s not talking. Admirable-yes-but B-o-R-i-N-G!

Twenty years ago, at the invitation of a friend, she went to a Bible Study Fellowship (known nationally as BSF). Lori grew up a preacher’s kid and was an active member of a local church. She and Scott hadn’t been married long, she worked full time and was planning to start a family. Going to another bible study wasn’t on her top ten list of things to do. Don’t judge! If my sisters and I added up how many times we’ve been at some kind of church service and put them together-there’s probably NOT a number for the number of bible studies we’ve been in! (This photo was taken a couple of years ago-I think it shows how much Lori looks like Mama and how much Loryn looks like her mama!)

How it happened was, baby sister, Kelly,was working at a hoity toity designer shoppe in Litchfield Beach. If you know my family or if you’ve looked at my photos, it’s evident that Lori and Kelly are the fashion icons-the chicks can rock an outfit. Amy and me, not so much. We inherited daddy’s genes-the man has gone to church with ONE brown & ONE black shoe-at the same time. Oh, he’s dressed sharp when you see him because Mama lays out his clothes and makes sure that his SHOES & socks match before he walks out of the  door. Lori and Kelly know how to rock  the clothes because they inherited their know how from Sarah Frances-just sayin.

One day, Lori dropped by the boutique to visit with Kelly and the manager, Robin Lehman. Lori and Robin were around the same age and had a lot in common like-clothes and accessorizing (BARF). It wasn’t long before Robin invited Lori to attend a bible study with her. ONLY because Sissy is so overly polite did she finally agree to go one Wednesday. It was a lot to do for a new friend since it started at 9 and wasn’t over til noon, and was held at First Baptist Church, Myrtle Beach, a forty minute drive from Lori & Scott’s Pawleys Island’s home.

I could drag Lori’s Story out-it’s that special..but we know what happens when I prolong anything-so I’ll hit the highlights only. GOD impressed on her heart that HE wanted her to commit to this Bible Study and when I say commit, she COMMITTED! BSF runs in a SEVEN year cycle! I’m sure that her initial prayer went something like-GOD..seven years of Bible Study at a church forty minutes away from home? Do YOU know what traffic’s like in Myrtle Beach! (Church is across the street from where Pavilion was.) Lord, I’m leading a small group already so I’m getting an extra Bible study a week as it is. How will I be able to have a baby and come over here every week for five hours?  GOD had that worked out-Blake and Loryn were born thirteen months apart so she took care of her two little ones at one time. Basically, she’s been in school the whole time that the kids have! If you have time, read Luke 5:1-5..Simon Peter felt the same way as my sister did. HE didn’t UNDERSTAND why JESUS would tell him to take his fishing boat and nets back out into the sea WHEN he’d just come in from an ALL NIGHTER with no fish to show for it. He was tired and no doubt already very frustrated-but, Peter answered, at your word I will do it, nevertheless. 

Lori completed the seven years and when it was over, signed up for ANOTHER  SEVEN years! Remember, the conniving elder brother in the Old Testament who conned Issac into marrying the older sister before getting the bride he labored to earn? Brother Laban would’ve loved making deals with Lori:D

This past spring my sister went to Colorado–not for late season snow skiing-she was there for a week of TRAINING-Sissy is now the assistant LECTURER for CBS in Georgetown, South Carolina. Now, that’s what I’m talking about! Remember that post I wrote about getting serious with GOD’S WORD? I noted that if you search, ponder, meditate, and treasure the WORD-you can experience the supernatural-because of Lori’s willingness to be a learner, GOD has now entrusted her with an esteemed place of leadership. She and her co-lecturer, lead 2oo+ women a week in intense BIBLE study; my sister is teaching other women what she learned through years and years of study herself-reading & knowing-are different things entirely. It’s a thrill to talk about spiritual matters with her and to glean from the wealth of knowledge that she has from years of studying the WORD.

Mama and Daddy went to the first lecture that she taught-they even sang a song with her before she began to speak and of course they were super proud.It was precious hearing my mother on the phone that afternoon describing how awesome Lori did. She said- Her new glasses just added to the effect of how smart she is! Imagine how sweet it was for Mama and Daddy to sit in the midst of two hundred people, look up at the pulpit and see their little girl-standing tall as a MIGHTY WOMAN of GOD! That would be the perfect conclusion to Lori’s story, but I’m not quite done. As proud as they were-I know a couple of others who were beaming that day.

Remember Robin, the manager of C. Parker-the boutique at Litchfield Beach where baby sister, Kelly, worked? Oh, how I wish that I could swing the windows of my heart wide open and show you the emotion this story rekindled. We never know how GOD is going to use us whenever we allow him to connect our lives with another one..

What I didn’t tell you at the beginning was that Robin wasn’t a CHRISTIAN when Kelly went to work for her. She’d come to work on Mondays after a weekend of partying and my teen-aged sister began sharing with her that there was a better way to live. Bear in mind that Kelly wasn’t overly zealous to do that. Her prayer sounded eerily familiar-But GOD, she’s my boss! I just got hired and I need the job!  LORD, she’s older than me! Why would she pay any attention to what I say? It’s not that I’m ashamed-I’m just scared of what might happen if I tell her about YOU. But..if this is what you want me to do-nevertheless I will.

Kelly began witnessing to Robin. It went in one ear and out the other-so she may have thought–but she didn’t let that stop her. It became important to Kelly to see this lady get her life straight-but neither of them had an inkling how imperative it was.

One Sunday morning before church, the phone rang at my parents’ home. Kelly answered-not knowing her boss was on the other end. I gave my life to CHRIST last night. I want to come to your church, how do I get there? Kelly gave Robin directions to the church-she came, walked forward during the invitation, confessed CHRIST and asked to join the church and be baptized.

Robin lived her life for JESUS CHRIST in a big way. When she died of cancer a few years later, ROBIN LEHMAN had made a mark on thousands and thousands of lives.

I love the principles displayed in this story. Had it not been for Kelly first witnessing to Robin, Robin may never have given her life to CHRIST. Had Robin, not given her life to CHRIST, Lori may have never gone to that first Bible Study-which means that she might not be teaching THE WORD the way she is now. And, had ROBIN not responded to GOD’S gift of salvation when she did, chances are, she might not be enjoying that gift in HEAVEN today.

The next time GOD places something in your heart and you question why HE’S calling you to do something that doesn’t make sense, just have the courage to trust HIM and to answer-at YOUR word I’ll do it, NEVERTHELESS!

There are bunches of pastor’s wife blogs; rebellious pastor’s wife-atheist pastor’s wife, unhappily married pastor’s wife-reading some of the chronicles, I say everything from you go chick-to have mercy on the poor dude! My blog is for everyday chicks but, let’s peek at life on other side of the altar!

America’s original mega church, Brooklyn Tabernacle, was smart enough to acknowledge what their pastor’s wife brought to the table or perhaps best said, the choir loft!  Not taking anything away from Pastor Jim, author of one of my favorite books, FRESH WIND, FRESH FIRE, but Carol, put Brooklyn Tab on the map. You don’t get ANY better than Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. Carol is one of my role models. She leads the best choir in the world without knowing how to properly read music. Carol Cymbala is a real lady.

Victoria Osteen, the impeccably dressed, pastor’s wife at Lakewood Church in Houston, is often in the limelight for drama mama behavior like assaulting a first class flight attendant. The case went to trial and she was exonerated of the charges. Regardless of personal impressions, I believe that much of what’s said about Victoria is exaggerated or fabricated. She has a strong personality and does more than look pretty and whisper PREACH IT BABY after sugary words floweth from her husband’s mouth-but that doesn’t make her a she devil.

Bobbi Houston, Hillsong, Australia is married to the South Pacific’s most famous pastor & is the former pastor’s wife of the world’s most celebrated worship leader, Darlene Zschech. She stirred up a fuss when she wrote a series on CHRISTian women & sex. I don’t know why it caused a ruckus, it not like she penned Fifty Shades of Grey!  Bobbi dons the grooviest outfits of any PW on the planet. Having never met her, I can’t vouch for her character, but this fifty something year old wife proves that not all of us have to wear a coiffed bob & fancy suit and I’m all about that.

Gloria Copeland, Lindsay Roberts, Frances Swaggart, all share the pulpit with their hubbies. Through the ongoing years of Jimmy Swaggart’s prostitute scandals, stoic Frances never gave up her throne on the platform so I shout GOOD on ya, you’ve earned your seat!  Then there’s cotton candy pink, Jan Crouch. That’s about all I’ll say about  that.

RUTH GRAHAM. I have genuine respect for this woman of GOD, who for the most part, remained primarily in the shadows of public eye, kept the home fires burning and never once caused any controversy to cloud her husband’s global impact. I think of her as the epitome of that beloved Proverbs 31 lady.

Arguably, the best known famous preacher’s wife is the late Tammy Faye. In their glory years, the Bakkers enjoyed a rockstar status in the Christian and secular realm. I was watching PTL one morning as she rushed on set, threw her hands up & huffed-Sorry I’m late. They closed the Dam Bridge! Jim went pale as the live audience gasped, but Tammy Faye was Tammy Faye. She diffused the tension with her unmistakeable raspy but childlike cackle. We cross D-A-M Bridge to get to the studio. What did YOU GUYS think I meant?

Underneath the eyelashes was a natural, even those who didn’t like her, couldn’t deny that she was a larger than life character. After the PTL debacle,  she hosted a talk show( I KNOW-her co-host was gay) and starred on an MTV reality series The Surreal Life.  She had no trouble standing tall (quite a feat at 4’11″) by refusing to participate in a nude segment on Surreal Life. That decision gained respect from non church people and won back many CHRISTian fans who’d written her off.  To be honest,  I was fond of her. I read her autobiography, followed her web journal and wept through the documentary about her battle with terminal cancer. She had issues, so do you and I. Fortunately, ours isn’t splattered on the news, in the papers or aired in a TV movie. It’s sad how most who shared the big life with the Bakkers, were so quick to bail when the gospel ship ran aground. 

Some pastors’ wives have replaced their husbands completely!  Does anyone know what Dave Meyer looks like? It must be hard to deal with the ridicule and jokes I’m sure this guy does. But, their ministry spans around the globe and when suspicions arose about their wealth, they were cleared by the government for misappropriations of funds. Let’s commend Dave for sacrificing a public role for the sake of the Kingdom.

What about Pastor Randy White? Never heard of him? Maybe not. But you have seen ex wife, Paula, the Barbie Doll blonde who preaches like her mentor, Bishop T.D. Jakes, who I do listen to now and then.  I don’t watch her broadcast, read her books, blogs or anything else.  This photo was taken on the Sunday that the Whites announced their divorce to CHURCH WITHOUT WALLS in Tampa. He continued to pastor the church and Paula moved to Texas. Long story short, the church in Tampa tanked, Randy was arrested on a DUI charge following a series of personal struggles so he handed the pulpit back to his famous wife. She’s the one on the cover of the National Enquirer with a still married, Benny Hinn, but I won’t go there. 

Mansions, private jets, Mercedes, are indeed part of the perks. But NO THANKS on living the celebrity pastor’s wife with a public life!

I have an Everyday Life Amplified Version Bible that I love. Joyce Meyer isn’t everybody’s-cup of preachin’-but, in my opinion, she’s got an ingenious way of connecting with her audience. I doubt that she’d have NEARLY so many fans if she strutted her perfection on stage..it’s IMPERFECTION that people like me relate to-she freely admits that she doesn’t have it all together all the time. I have a hard time connecting with those who don’t have to study GOD’S WORD like the rest of us. They-just know it-or at least that’s what they want you and me to believe-I’m not buying it-there’s a whole lot of faking goin’ on!

It’s disheartening to see statistics about the time that Christians spend in GOD’S WORD. Glancing over the Sunday School lesson and taking OPEN WINDOWS to the bathroom doesn’t qualify. Nobody’s smart enough to casually breeze through the WORD and come out Sister Saintly or Brother Brain; it requires an ongoing CONCENTRATED & CONSISTENT effort. We don’t get it all the first, second or sixtieth time. Isaiah 28:9-10 says it poetically. To whom will HE teach knowledge? And whom will HE make understand the message? Those who are babies, just weaned from the milk and taken from the breast? For it’s; precept upon precept, precept upon precept, rule upon rule, rule upon rule, here a little, there a little.

Learning The WORD is a LIFE LONG process. There are times that our hearts soar-we GET & SEE-or uncover an answer that we’ve been searching to find. When that happens, faith grows to GIANT size. But, we also get to places that boggle, confuse and BORE the mind to TEARS. It’s painstakingly torturous to struggle through page after page of names that you can’t pronounce-why do I need to know any of this? GOD understands that Old Testament genealogy doesn’t light our fire the same way that Christ’s Crucifixion or a glimpse of what JOHN saw does. Still, HE expects us to learn what HE’S given us to learn.

I was THIRTY when I got SERIOUS about learning GOD’S WORD. I’d been in church all my life-I could write and recite its books forward & backwards.  Honestly, I confess that I thought I was WAY AHEAD for a person my age. One Sunday morning, when I least expected it, GOD showed me that I was NO WHERE CLOSE.

The teacher was seven years older than me. About fifteen women were in the class- they asked question after question; she answered everything from the WORD-book & chapter. I was mesmerized by an ordinary woman doing something that I’d never seen a man do-I’m not saying that there aren’t men who can, but I’d never met anyone with BIBLE knowledge like Sandra; she impacted my life significantly. After the class, I bombarded her. How do you DO it? You MUST study all day! A lady walking by chuckled-She has FIVE kids & a part time job.

She shared her secret-which wasn’t a SECRET-then again-it was. Five years ago, I was asked to teach this class. I didn’t know the Word well enough to be responsible to help these ladies grow-but, I was sure that GOD was leading me to commit to teaching. I promised HIM that if HE’D work with my limited time to learn, I’d do my best to soak it in. THAT’S IT? I don’t understand at all! You’re a BIBLE encyclopedia!

She was unbelievably humble-we’re talking about a woman who could tell you where ANY familiar scripture was and direct you to those that you’d never heard in your life. Breathtaking verses-beautiful imagery-I’d read the Bible through in a Year at least twice, I was proud of my accomplishment..but, not so much when I acknowledged ashamedly-that I’d done it to say I’d done it..more than to LEARN it. This lady had the ability to give an answer with GOD’S WORD & PROVE IT because she knew EXACTLY where It said so.

The thing that stuck was-If you’re SERIOUS, GOD will teach you. HE wants us to know HIS WORD but you have to WORK for it.You have to WANT to learn–if you’re gonna learn.

I made the promise several months later. Studying faithfully for twenty years, I still can’t do what Sandra could..but-I’m happy with where I am today. I’m not going to lie-there were times when I almost quit..but she WAS right-being serious-made all the difference in how I retained & understood.  READING the bible is easy..LEARNING it is a lot of work! But, somewhere along the way, I began to crave learning more, writing it down, comparing versions. When you can give the reference, it validates that you know what you’re talking about- it builds your confidence in sharing CHRIST when you feel prepared.

I hold on to all my old study bibles and periodically go back to look at notes I made in 1980, 1986, 1999, 2005-those notes are like a progress chart. That’s one reason I bought the new study bible; I’ve entered into a new season of life and I felt like it was time for me to start all over and read with a fresh perspective. Things that I read fifteen years ago have a deeper meaning today now that I can SEE it more clearly. Hopefully, the same will be true when I look at the notes I’m making now..in ten years.

Psalm 119:62 says-I rejoice at your WORD as one who finds great treasure. This verse became my ace in the hole. As a reader, it didn’t mean so much-but, when I became a learner, I saw it as a perfect solution to shut smart mouths up who can’t take your word for it-they say-Show me. Well, nana-nana, boo-boo-I’ve learned where to go to SHOW you-follow me smarty pants!

Daddy is a preacher, my Chipper is a preacher-but, I don’t rely 100% on what they tell me THE WORD says. Does that mean that I don’t have confidence in their ability to teach me? Absolutely NOT, they are two of the smartest BIBLE scholars that I know and I can’t tell you how often I come in to the lounge from my office to ask my brilliant husband with years of formal theological training what something means. But, as smart as my dad and my husband are, they don’t KNOW everything and I’ve disagreed with both of them about issues that are non-essential to a person’s salvation-but, are important enough that GOD included them in HIS WORD.

Everybody makes scripture blunders-Issac & Jacob with Rebekah & Rachel -like to play mix/match in my head-an example why genealogy needs to be read, studied and learned. But, I’d rather take a second to get my facts straight OR to say nothing if I’m not sure-than to talk like I know what I’m talking about-be wrong and never even know that I’m wrong!

Chipper and I were being interviewed by a church one time and the chairman of the search team made a point by taking an Old Testament story, putting it in the New Testament & naming the book it was (not) in. Note to self was sent immediately-if you’re a BIBLE DOOFUS-keep your mouth shut; you never know who’s listening & DOES know their Bible well enough to correct you. It’s better to be honest-I’m not sure where this story is and just carry on. People may wonder if you need to study your BIBLE more-but they won’t be nearly so apt to question if you study at all.

WATCH & LEARN-I’ve been on the front pew 50 years and I’ve seen many BIBLE MEN & WOMEN cut down to size by a SWORD DRILL CHILD if attempting to fake it. From my own experience, I’m proud to see kids showing off Bible skills, but it’s embarrassing & humbling to be corrected by a seven year old!

Every pastor faces the dilemma of getting Teacher Know it All out of a class because the attendance is plummeting and everybody BUT teacher knows why. One teacher we had spent 40 of the 50 minute class time-talking about his grands, why his wife banished him to the couch and how their wayward children were causing insurmountable grief. I’ll never forget having lunch with a couple one Sunday afternoon who begged Chipper to do something about it. The lady declared-You want to know how bad it’s gotten? His OWN wife doesn’t come to our class anymore.

I think of a deacon who came by the office one Sunday and left his bible on the secretary’s desk. Monday, she opened it to see who’s it was, at first assuming it was probably a child’s or a new Christian’s because it looked unused-no marked passages or notes at all. But, when she found the name, she said-he’ll be looking for it Wednesday night. That bible stayed  the office for weeks. I don’t know what the guy studied from at home, perhaps this one was left at the church for convenience, but, it left this impression-I don’t want people to wonder if I study the WORD-I want them to know that I do.

The same lady who saw the Bible was later spoken to by this man in a way that no man should speak.  It’s inappropriate to shout at an elderly woman that you need to get your head out of your butt. We’d correct a child if we heard that spill from their mouths wouldn’t we? The problem is-some Christians frown at those who use terms like-well, let’s pull two of today’s common slang- that’s crap or it sucks. Fair enough-but it’s a warped system when we shun some for words that are directed at no-one for ill meaning-while we esteem or overlook others who speak vindictively or vulgar to another. We’d all stand to gain if we would lose the holier than thou attitudes-myself included.

PROVERBS specifically advises wise men not to behave as fools who can’t control their mouths & don’t know how to treat people. Dr. David Jeremiah issued a challenge years ago during a radio broadcast and it has proven to be one of the best tips I’ve ever taken. Use PROVERBS as a daily devotional -31 chapters correlates to a calendar. It’s my daily quick read and will be for the rest of my life.

I’ve found out from my lifetime of church life observation-it’s usually NOT those that TALK a lot about their bible knowledge who intimidate me. If I were a betting woman and you lined up Deacon #1, Sunday School Teacher #2, Pastor #3, Worship Leader #4, and quiet, white haired granny #5, my money’s on the old lady baby!

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I spent an hour on facebook having it out with my Chipper; a SUNRISE/SUNSET blog war. My sides were hurting from laughing so hard; as usual-we had onlookers chiming in to egg us on. We tend to draw a crowd when we play fight. People who know us, know exactly what to expect and tonight was no exception-we showed out in rare form! When the bell dinged, we sent our buddies home with a good laugh & it got me to thinking how much I like being a pair-my chipper and me.

There’s an image people have for a pastor’s wife and I don’t fit into that mold. Tailored clothes & Bling are really NOT my thing. But, neither is the culottes & NO makeup look. I can’t sit still long enough to have a mani/pedi, I absolutely hate shopping and it’s a chore-not a pleasure-to go to a beauty salon-therefore, I color my own hair & keep it long for the convenience of wearing ponytails virtually everyday of the week. I promised my mama & Mother in Law, MeMe, that I’d get a classy, Lisa Rinna haircut at forty. When I made it to forty, I upped it to forty-five. Here I am at fifty and I don’t see it happening for ANOTHER five years.

My daughter keeps me straight on what is age appropriate for a girl in my decade bracket & besides, I have a medical condition which makes me look seven months pregnant more often than not. I DO have an affection for shoes-but, I basically stay in FLIP FLOPS all year round. Go figure.

But, that’s okay cos my baby LOVES ME just the way that I am. I don’t have to be perfect or the best at everything; He says that while my quirkiness may be annoying at times-life with me is NEVER boring. He promises that he’d be miserable if I didn’t voice my own opinions or was afraid to disagree with him. One of our favorite past times is friendly debating about everything from current affairs to bible passages. Because of my self esteem issues, there are times that I wonder why this awesome, intelligent, man wants to spend his life with all over the place gal like me, but, our unbelievably close relationship proves that he does.

Chipper walked with me through the dark years-and it was a long, hard journey. I was a messed up MESS and he had no idea how troubled I was because I didn’t know myself. When I came frighteningly close to the edge, he REFUSED to let go & kept me holding on when I didn’t want to anymore. I know that only GOD’S grace prevented him from walking away from me so how can I not love him like I crazy do? Unless you’ve been around us, it’s kind of hard to grasp our relationship-I know a lot of great people with super marriages so I don’t want to sound sappy, spiritual or brag, but, we’re as ONE as two people can be. Ask family and friends to tell you something about us and chances are that the first thing you’ll hear is how unusual our marriage is.  Even our parents, couples married for 50+ years, have said that they’ve they’ve never seen two people so PERFECTLY matched as the two of us.

Our bond is unique; although we certainly don’t purposely FLAUNT it, if you’re around us for any length of time, you’ll pick up on it. Nobody makes me laugh like he does-after thirty years, I’d rather spend my time with him than anyone!

People, especially church members, have asked us through the years how we stay together all the time and never get sick of one another. I fear sounding syrupy or staged..but, Chipper and I came to the conclusion a LONG time ago that we just don’t do separate. It’s not something that suits everyone, but it honestly works for us.

After our kids were born, we realized that married couples tend to invest everything into their kids, leaving little or nothing else for each other. In light of the fact that kids grow up, move out & move on, we made it a priority to nurture a life outside of the children, because one day it would be the two of us again. We tried never to put Josh & Jena before or between each other & I believe that’s a big reason why we have this incredible love for one another all these years later. I love my children fiercely & I’d lay my life down for them quicker than anyone-but I’ll tell you this-the person who I don’t believe I could ever live life without..is MY CHIPPER.  <3

I’m up every morning by 4:30 and it’s not because I have to be. I wake up naturally and love to see dawn break. My Chipper can’t understand. His theory is; if you wake up while it’s still dark  outside, it means one thing only; get up & go NOW so you won’t have to get up & go later. He is going to scold me for writing that. He’s old fashioned about bathroom talk.

I LOVE my routine-Desmond and I tiptoe downstairs-I put him on the sofa while I fetch my coffee. SAECO machines ROCK! Fresh espresso or drip available 24/7 at the touch of a button. Loves it!

About Coffee-I’m not really into blueberry cobbler or french vanilla or chocolate brownie or hazelnut-we use classic EIGHT O’CLOCK whole beans in the red bag-only they changed the red bag to a white bag. I don’t have a marketing degree-but, the way I see it, it was a real stupid thing to do-now their bag looks like everybody else’s bag.

I remember going to the A&P where they had a grinder at a few registers. While your groceries were tallied, a man, usually wearing an apron-would unseal the bag, pour the beans in the machine, stick the bag under the spout and freshly ground coffee aroma would fill the air. Most fresh beans smell the same when they’re ground, but- Eight O’CLOCK gives the smell plus warm, fuzzy, childhood memories as a bonus. I’m overly nostalgic.

My first cup’s always the same-a splash of half & half  and the tip of a teaspoon of sugar. I don’t turn on the light because the moon shines on the kitchen side of the house and spotlights RIGHT on the coffee maker. We’ve got panoramic glass windows to maximize the views-no curtains-except for in our bedroom because my CHIPPER does NOT like to wake up to the sun pouring in the windows like I do-he wants it as dark as dark can be for as LONG as it can be!

After I get my coffee, Desmond and I sit on the sofa without turning on any lights at all. I don’t know! It’s just how I do things. It’s how my Mimi and Pa did it. All my life, those two were up at 4:30, sitting in the dark, drinking their coffee.

I sit for thirty minutes or so and answer the questions rolling across my brain screen. What to wear? What’s for dinner? What has to be washed? What needs to be cleaned? Who needs a callback..HUSH!!? Can you tell how stretchy your lungs are yet? Have you got any ideas about what you’ll post today?

After I’ve been up a while, I come to my office, turn on my fireplace-check emails, see where my blog stats ended up, write in my journal, study my Bible, write some scriptures in my binder, look at facebook, get some more coffee and I watch the sunrise.

I’m a bit different than most-I love a beautiful sunset-at Morgan Meadows, no two are the same-but, if I had to choose between sunrise or sunset-I’d go for sunrise. It’s an indescribable emotion when I see it peek over the horizon-perhaps it’s because I tend to prefer gearing up as opposed to winding down.

That’s what I’m anticipating at the moment-gearing up for what’s peeking over our personal horizon..a ministry GOD has meticulously been organizing for us. HE hasn’t clued us in on a lot of the details-but, we have enough to know that it’s going to be an amazing journey with some incredible people..GOD adventures always are!

My Crazy Husband’s Rebuttal

I just glanced up at the clock, trying to decide if I wanted to post anything else today or if you’ve had enough of my rambling already..and it dawned on me that..

it’s 5:35pm

Three weeks from today, Jena will be standing in front of family and friends, pledging to love Scott McDowell for the rest of her life. Their ceremony will be unique; reflective of the CHRIST centered relationship they have. Just like he did at Joshua and Nikki’s I know my Chipper will speak- a bit choked up-from a daddy’s heart.

I think (at least I hope) that we’ve managed to keep our job circumstance from putting a damper on this long awaited, event-thanks to the overwhelming GENEROSITY of those who love us and her-and have given unselfishly to ensure our amazing daughter has the wedding of her dreams. It hasn’t been that hard-Jena, has bare taste-yep..I meant to use a b instead of an r. She tends to lean more towards natural and understated, which is a GOOD thing when money is an issue.

For instance, her idea of the perfect reception was having Papa’s world famous (more like COUNTY famous) barbecue. And, about the cake-she opted for a small gluten free traditional one for pictures-but we’ll be having a dessert bar with everything from peach cobbler to red velvet cake, honey!

The ceremony will be at the beautiful Pawleys Island Chapel-a perfect choice since their official first date was sitting on the beach there . The reception will be at Debordieu-(It sure does pay to have sisters with connections!)

Last Saturday, she spent the day at the chapel and the reception site with my mama, dear friend, Lizzie, who arranged my flowers and made MY bouquet-and my sisters-making sure they were all on the same page.

Today she and Scott went for a final fitting of his attire. Next weekend, she has finals, so it’s ALL about studying.

Her last weekend as a single chick, Liz and I, are going to Charleston to spend Friday night-hang out-take her shopping at Victoria’s Secret-that’s gonna be a hoot. Liz and I have have been best friends since BEFORE Jena was born; Izzie‘s just another aunt who’s doing the same for Jena that she did for Joshua-directing the wedding and more importantly, making sure that I don’t spazz out until after it’s all over.

I just looked at the clock again-it’s 6:30-we’ll be making pictures about this time and her daddy and I will be smiling all the way to the end-that is until she climbs in her Equinox for the first time as MRS. JENA MCDOWELL. That’s when I suspect that my Chipper and I will slip away for a good cry..after all, that’s our baby girl who will be waving goodbye.

I’m trying my best to understand how O’Bama care is benefiting lower income Americans. I didn’t vote for him and his promises never appealed to me-but, that was my personal opinion. I’ve got more to go on these days-somebody living with us-disabled since birth-whose benefits have DECREASED since the President moved to the oval office.

My Chipper and I have been blessed to parent more than our two biological children; I say blessed because that’s what each of our other kids are to us. A few were temporary situations-but Jared, Jade, Tammy, Aaron and Walt, had a more permanent place in our home and hearts. I write about our kids often and I’ve had a few folks ask how many kids do you have because your facebook profile looks a lot like Michelle Duggar’s!

Joshua, will be 28 in March and he married Nikki..which makes her ours. Jena, is 25, and she’s marrying Scott in three weeks…which makes him ours. Two by birth and two by marriage.

Aaron, 18, lives in New Zealand, with a family who took him when we returned from the mission field. He’s our redhead, but by no means the stepchild! Aaron coined a lot of phrases in our family-I can just do whatever! Perhaps my favorite was when he didn’t like the rules at our house, he’d throw his arms in the air, his hands palms up and huff. Well, fine! But I’m leaving here on my 18th birthday! I’m happy to say that he never got mad enough to really leave. For a boy who’d run away from other homes MANY, MANY times, it was a wonderful feeling to know that even when he was angry with us-our home, his home, was where he wanted to stay.

I recall a time when Aaron had an unusually bad day at school-my Chipper was out of town, so I had to go to the school when the call came. (We got a lot of calls from Principal Mike or assistant Richard, but, it was impressive how these two gentlemen cared about two wee boys-academically and socially-and did all they could to help us.)

When we got home, Aaron wasn’t allowed to play video games or go outside. After we ate tea (in New Zealand, tea- also refers to the evening meal. Supper is more of a light snack.) and he’d gotten his homework done, I sent him for a shower and told him that he’d be going to bed earlier than normal. He did as he was told, but on his way back from the shower, he lingered at the door of the lounge and spied Walt watching Spongebob. It hadn’t been one of Aaron’s better days.

You have to understand that by the time we got the boys, our children were in their late teens, so my Chipper and I had been there, done that.  To hear Joshua & Jena tell it, Aaron & Walt didn’t know the meaning of REAL discipline, but we’d had a lot of practice! I glanced at the clock and decided that Aaron had served enough time for his latest crimes and I’d let him have dessert before bed.

But, my heart melted when I got to his room and saw those sad tears; I handed him his jelly and ice cream, (JELLO is eaten with ice cream over there) and gave him permission to eat it in lounge so that he could see the last few minutes of his favorite cartoon before bedtime.

Instead of plopping on the couch or floor, Aaron followed me and when I sat down, this precious child crawled into my lap. He was about as big as me even then-but, snuggled up to me like a toddler. I’m sorry I made you have to come see Mr. Andrews, Mum. I don’t want to lose my temper, but when they call me names cos I’m a foster kid, it feels like my heart gets torn in a thousand million pieces and I can’t get it back together fast enough to make me stop being bad.

Can you imagine words so poignant coming from a little boys’ mouth? Back then, Aaron turning 18  years old seemed a long way off..now..not so much.

Walt, is 17, and lives in New Zealand, at a group home. He’s our blond hair,blue eyed boy-the one who you’ll find on my wall everyday asking Wots up Muma? If I don’t respond immediately, he calls me out in public-you haven’t answered me back! He makes sure I know-he’s in poo again..sometimes it’s poo-other times he slips with the S word..but, I’m so glad that my boy comes to MUMA about his problems-though we are a world apart. Walt has always been such a little charmer! I’ve had previous school teachers contact me years later to find out how he’s doing. One told me that in all of her years in the classroom-no child had touched her heart the way our Walt had.

Now, there’s Tammy, perhaps the best known of all of our extra kiddos. Tangy, Tang-Tang, Tams, Tangerine, Tangelo, it’s whatever mood we’re in that she’s called..but rarely is it just Tammy.

Tammy was born with Turners Syndrome, a disorder that most doctors don’t know much about. Despite numerous physical ailments, she’s WORKED since she was a teen-employed by my company, a mall chain store, and childcare centers in three states.

As she gets older, her medical problems are progressing; she isn’t able to work full time and that’s medically proven.

In the two years that Obama has been in office, Tammy’s benefits have been cut or reduced multiple times. Yesterday, she had a doctor’s appointment-due to the changes in our healthcare overhaul, she is now being charged a $135 fee per year-the receptionist understood our predicament and set it up on installments. Tammy’s on a small, fixed income and doesn’t have an extra $135 hanging out in her bank account. If the healthcare changes are suppose to be helping people like my child-it AIN’T workin!

I stewed all the way home about that $135 deductable. We picked up the mail and land sakes alive, it proved to be Tang’s lucky day! She’s getting more mail than ever about her benefits-but the notifications are anything BUT good news. Tam’s a diabetic who relies on a mail order company to ship the supplies that she needs. NOT anymore! The company regretfully informed her that changes in our HEALTHCARE will be preventing them from sending any more supplies to her home. WHAT?

If you don’t believe me-ask our Tangy Sue what OBAMA care is doing for her. She’ll tell you that for someone who wasn’t all that into politics- GEORGE W. BUSH-is her new hero.

As my blog traffic increases, so do the questions about me, my life, where I came from-so, I decided that it was time to give you basic information about my past along and along.

I’m a writer who DETESTS filling out forms! I put off going to a new doctor until I have to-not because I hate to try out a new doctor or therapy or drug..just MORE forms! That’s why you’ll get the bits & pieces to string together..it’s less like I am filling out a questionnaire.

Born in Savannah- first of four girls belonging to Reverend THEMOS J. CRIBB and SARA FRANCES THOMPSON CRIBB. Most of my childhood was spent in Hemingway and Georgetown, South Carolina.

School years were spent at Lake City Elementary, Juliette Lowe, Pathway Day School, Francis Marion Academy & Winyah Academy (long swim the DOLPHINS-BOOM chicka BOOM!)

Three sisters-Lori- married to Scott Hurston, mother to Blake and Loryn

Amy, married to David Newman, mother to Tyler, Alana and Ashlyn

Kelly, married to Dave Murray, mother to Noelle, Kala and Chase

Churches Daddy pastored:  Red Dam Baptist, Rose Hill Baptist, Paran Baptist, Liberty Baptist, Tabernacle Baptist, Ringel Heights Baptist and Gourdines Chapel.

Most memorable boyfriend before Chipper: Kenneth Parsons Brady-son of Lucille Vanderbilt Pate. Kenny was killed by a drunk driver at the beginning of his senior year. We had a date that night and I would have been a passenger in his mustang-but my grandparents were visiting from Savannah so that Mama could help take care of Pa, who’d had a stroke. Daddy was in revival and I’d gone with him a couple of nights already so that I could go out Friday night.

When I got home from school, Mama told me that Pa hadn’t been able to walk all day and to make a sketchy story short, she and my sisters went to the revival with Daddy and I stayed home to help Mimi. Ken volunteered to sit with me, but I insisted that he go on to the movies in Myrtle Beach like we’d planned. He invited friend, Rudolph Poston, to join him; they died instantly at the infamous flashing light in Murrells Inlet.

That unexpected tragedy had a profound effect on me. Ken wasn’t a Christian and had come home from an out of state boarding school to play soccer for our high school team his junior & senior year. The girls at our private school and the public school in town were vying for the attention of the boy whose family owned Debordieu and Arcadia Plantations. Of all the debutantes he could have dated, Ken chose a poor, baptist preacher’s girl, who refused to go out with him on Fridays and Saturdays unless he came to church with me Sunday mornings and  Sunday nights.

I always had a bit of a problem telling teenagers to ONLY date Christians-although I wholeheartedly BELIEVE that it’s the best decision..but I didn’t follow my own advice. On top of that, I didn’t suffer sad consequences. Ken was a good kid who treated me with respect. He didn’t drag me down with him, there wasn’t a down to go, really. Just sayin—

Ken LOVED our church, RINGEL HEIGHTS BAPTIST because the folks never treated him like he was royalty, he was the preacher’s daughter’s boyfriend-he liked NOT getting all the attention. My parents LOVED him. They’d never had a son and this boy came into our home and made it his, too.

One FATEFUL Sunday, he gave his life to CHRIST-Daddy prayed with him and a few weeks later, baptized him, too. He became a member of our church and he fell in LOVE with JESUS.  Mama and Daddy got him a study bible; there were so many nights that we’d be on the phone talking-not about soccer or homecoming or the latest breakup or hookup at our school..but about spiritual things. He’d want me to explain something he’d just read-or to see if he was understanding it right. He’d come over and sit at the kitchen table with my daddy and they’d talk about the things that confused him or contradicted what he’d been taught through the years.

A few months after Ken was born again, he died.

When I met my Chipper and brought him home with me from college for the first time, I warned him before we got to my house that it may be a little tough for my family. When we walked in the back door, Mama was standing at the stove and she started to cry. My daddy shook his hand and spoke-then walked outside for some fresh air.

That went well.My poor Chipper! See, what was so ironic about it..was that he physically resembled Ken. I don’t know if that sounds morbid-but, I prepared my parents before they saw him in person that he looked like Ken-but that was NOT the reason I was dating him.

That night, we went to bed and my precious sister, Amy, snuggled up beside me. She would’ve been, let’s see, if I was nineteen, she was eleven. Her voice quivered as she asked me this question-Do you think that GOD let Ken get killed because he wanted you to date Chip?

My little sisters didn’t have a big brother and they loved him dearly. He had his own place at the kitchen table and we spent as much time at the house as we did anywhere, playing boardgames, watching TV. Ken usually brought us home from school everyday so it was heartbreaking for them, too. When he died, our whole family was devastated.

No. We would’ve broken up when he went to college. He would’ve met a rich girl with a name like Catherine Kennedy or Mary Elizabeth Rockefeller-not LISA CRIBB.  She sighed. That’s good, I guess I can learn to like him, then.

My Chipper and Amy really do have a very unique bond. She calls him her good ol’ boy and he calls her his favorite. Of course, Lori and Kelly will always let him know that they don’t think that’s very nice at all…

I have a doll that Ken bought for me when we were dating..a HUGE rag doll. I knew that I wasn’t what his family planned for him-though his mother, Lulu and I became close-especially after his death. I had a great friendship with his little sister and brother, Dawn and Matt and stepdad, Wallace. But, in reality, I came from the wrong side of the tracks. One night, I inadvertently overheard a chat between his mother and grandmother and it made me cry. Enough said.

I broke up with him that week-I told him that he was expected to find a porcelain doll and had disappointed his family by dragging home a rag doll. That same weekend. he came by the house and dropped off a present..a rag doll with long dark hair. Ken gave me many gifts while we dated, but that rag doll was by far the most memorable.

We got back together a few weeks later-as much as teenagers are capable of loving each other, he and I truly did.

After he died, Mama noticed that rag doll’s dress needed to be washed-I’d shed a lot of mascara tears on her shoulder.  I got home from school one afternoon and Mama came up to my room, sat on the bed and took the doll from my arms. She asked if I had looked beneath her dress. It was a bizarre question to which I replied, no ma’am.

She pulled the dress up and showed me that Ken had drawn a big red heart on the fabric where a heart would go. Inside of it he had written I love you.

Rag Doll sits on the shelf in my closet. During those times that I feel MUCH more like a rag doll than a porcelain one, her smile reminds me that I am anything but…