Someone came by looking for an answer today-one that I thought was worth sharing since they didn’t leave a name or email. It goes to prove why my blog is successful-people want honest answers when they ask legitimate questions. All of you pastors and wives-LISTEN up! This one isn’t for church people, it’s directed at us.
Is it appropriate for a PASTOR or a PASTOR’S wife to pay another member’s spouse a compliment specifically about how they look physically?
Sad, that someone is searching anonymously on the internet for a straight answer. It breaks my heart to say it, but church is not a safe zone like it was at one time. Do I know a pastor who has had an affair? I know a few. Do I know any pastor’s wives that have had an affair? I do. Any I call friends? Absolutely. I’ll re-emphasize, we aren’t perfect. Some that I’m familiar with were unfaithful before they were saved or entered the ministry; then again, I think of those who had been in pastoring for years when it took place.
Ministers & spouses don’t get a pass to have sex of any kind outside of marriage. We’re not that divine. If you categorically deny the accusations-have the decency to step down for a significant period for your family and the church. I’m not one who thinks that this should permanently ban anyone from resuming a ministry role in the future, but if we won’t ordain a man as a deacon or minister if he’s been divorced, we shouldn’t be too lenient with an unfaithful pastor who was fortunate enough to keep his family together. To me, a salvaged marriage after infidelity is one of the most POWERFUL testimonies about GOD’S ability to fix broken things. But, only if contriteness and true remorse was exemplified for the SIN-not merely the shame of getting caught.
Once, we belonged to a church with several full time pastors on staff. One staff member was so flirtatious whenever I would come into contact with him-that I wouldn’t go to Sunday School (we were in the same department) if Chipper was out of town. I wasn’t all that special-I’d begun to notice the way that he ogled a lot of women.
This man didn’t try to hide that he admired me. He went so far one Wednesday evening to inquire whether or not I was home alone because I was there without Chipper. I considered going to the head Pastor-but the man had been employed at the church for years and I understood staff loyalty.
I handled it by being OVERLY cold shouldered every time that he approached me. He was persistent but finally got my drift. His womanizing eventually caught up with him when an affair with another member’s wife was exposed.
After the man moved, I had the opportunity to tell the Pastor that I had been dealing with the man’s inappropriate behavior several months and I asked point blank if he would’ve believed me if I had come to him about it. I respected our pastor for being so honest. I probably wouldn’t have and I apologize that you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me.
Last night, I read a story on AOL about a twenty nine year old youth pastor’s wife in Illinois-who was counseling a sixteen year old in her home for internet porn addiction. I applaud this pastor and how he responded to a firestorm event. When she confided to him that she was having sex with this kid multiple times a week, he didn’t call a board meeting to help him concoct a cover up; he called the authorities. She’s been charged for having sex multiple times a week with a minor. I believe this church will recover faster than those who sweep criminal activity under the rug. But, then again, why does anybody care what I think?
It is NEVER appropriate for a married pastor or their spouse to flirt with anyone. NO exceptions to the rules. My personality is one of a nurturer so I tend to reach out & touch someone when I’m speaking to them. I have to be mindful of what comes naturally because if my actions are perceived the wrong way, I’ve created a problem. The same goes for a friendly pastor type. Oh dudes! BE CAREFUL because you never know who might be looking for something to get you into trouble.
I’d suggest to any woman or man; if a pastor(or his wife) offers to counsel you after office hours-and doesn’t mention having another person there with you, NO DEAL. Same holds true for teenagers..boys and girls.
I came across a story last year about a large church in Lakeland, Florida. Suspicions surfaced about a male youth worker after some boys started showing up with new skateboards, clothes, money, etc. This man was paying for sexual acts with things that teens want. My son or daughter would NEVER fall for that. Those parents thought the same thing. Peer pressure is a big deal and being able to impress your friends by having those status symbols can be extremely tempting. Like it or not, we have a society that measures who we are by what we have. VERY SAD but true.
Bottom line-don’t PLAY stupid. Paying someone a COMPLIMENT & FLIRTING with them are not the same thing. We all KNOW the difference-and so do they.