wHy thEy looKin’ aT snOOki?

For the past ten of my forty years as a follower of JESUS, I’ve traveled the journey of REAL CHRISTIANITY. I’m going to be brutally honest with you today. Truth is, I didn’t set out to be an outspoken rebel, but when GOD called me to make this mid life switch; HE knew that I’m that classic all or nothing type.  To be dangerously transparent, the choice of being me-cost a lot. BUT-it’s given me far more in return.  Women have this thing going on with their moods-did you see TANGLED? My favorite part of the movie was when the lost princess (they got my vote for the undercurrents that ran through the story) experienced life removed from the confines of her stone tower. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a better portrayal of what it’s like to be a girl-and by girl, I mean a girl of any age..cos I still LOVE me some Disney princess movies! *wink* If you haven’t seen this one, you must because it’s DISNEY at its finest!  When eighteen year old Rapunzel gets out of her comfort zone & away from her domineering, controlling, mother-she goes BONKERS! She experiences enormous waves of happy & sad from one moment to the next. Rapunzel cries miserably on the ground before jumping up and frolicking over to climb a tree. BEST DAY EVER she proclaims. I‘m a horrible personI’m the best girl in the world! I can’t go on! No WAIT, I wanna live forever!  I can identify with this conflicted female’s hormone imbalance, don’t you?

I assure you-I do know how to conduct myself-I’m a seasoned pastor’s wife; a title that garners sizable responsibility. But-I see the responsibility differently than I used to & perhaps from the way that you do now. By being human & not an alien from the SPIRITUAL PLANET, I’ve gained more respect from the everyday people. I’ve decided to let my guard down-which, of course, does allow the world to see that I have struggles exactly as they do..but, my constant struggles makes way for plenty of opportunities to say…heavy rain falls on the just and the unjust-it’s knowing how to handle the downpours that matters!

This  other way to live has relieved a great deal of lil’ miss perfect‘s pressure. I’m the girl who was never going to be perfect-but nearly killed herself whilst trying to be.  CONFLICTED, IMBALANCED, REAL? I have a hard time understanding some spiritual aspects like PRAYER. I know it’s a BAD thing to admit but-I don’t fully grasp the concept-therefore, I’m almost positive that I don’t pray the way that I should. I could claim otherwise, but that would make me a spiritual slacker & a liar. And, words other than holy ghost inspired, sanctified ones have on occasion made their way into my vocabulary memory bank. It seems that the older I get, the more the S word comes to mind when I stump my toe or drop a raw egg. I don’t say them out loud, but I can’t say that they never enter my mind. It’s probably the television- filling my mind with garbage & reading WALKING DEAD comics! I half heartedly agree with you on that one, believe it or not. 🙂

I don’t claim to like everyone-because I follow JESUS. There are people who I don’t like at all. BUT-I love without liking-really, I do. It’s a perk of being truly transformed by HIM. I don’t know how to explain the way that it works-all I know is; I don’t have to like-but -I can NOT HATE-even if I sub consciously want to NOT like them at all.  I know church people haters who have been willing to violate or compromise the most BASIC human ethics to stick it to my husband or me any time they get a chance (you know plenty of them, too. Hypocrites, imposters & bitter Christians can be found everywhere. ) I don’t understand their minds-but, I’m glad that I don’t-because to understand those people-wouldn’t keep me inline with the mind of CHRIST. HE says; MY DISCIPLES CAN NOT HATE ANYONE and LOVE ME. No CHRIST claimer will come out and say that they hate you-but-it takes HATE-to be CRUEL & CUNNING. If you’re bent on destroying one, malicious actions give you away– you HATE them. GOD FORBID that I EVER feel this towards a human being and if I ever go down that DEAD END road, it’s my prayer that HE would chastise me before HATRED consumed my every thought & deed.  For forty years, I relied on the crowd to feed my need for approval-to validate who I was & what I was worth. I created a prison where I gorged on a diet of great expectations & constant failures. I can THROW DOWN a pity party! But, along my journey, I figured out that-when I deliberately set out to display CHRISTIANITY properly, my show usually lands me in a pickle.  That realization came when I began understanding this; JESUS is NOT something that a person puts on whenever they step on the CHURCH CATWALK. All that spiritual sashaying & sanctified strutting may look like a perfect walk-but-it’s often no more than vain, self seeking, EMPTY HYPE-worthless worship. Been there. Done that. SO over it. I gladly opt for a more NATURAL look these days. Who believed me when I faked it?  HIS WORD says-There’s NONE righteous but HIM. Filthy rags in HIS sight. When HOLY GOD looks at us, HE deems us perfect because JESUS stands in our place. Nothing we’ve done or will do on our own removes the STINK of sin..Here’s where I get confused. The public won’t purchase HIS cleansing balm-if we’re covered in sin dirt. They want proof that this life change leads to positive results. With that in mind, how do CHRIST FOLLOWERS remain real & still qualify for membership in the Holy Life Club? That wasn’t posed as a trick question-I’m on a mission to solve one of my life’s great mysteries. I apologize if this lets you down-I’m not a spiritual woman all of the time. I love my SAVIOR passionately-I seek & study HIM because more than anything else in my life, pleasing CHRIST and being a true woman that follows after HIS HEART only is who I yearn to be. But I confess that there are times when I come across as all of the above because I’m able to stage myself  to be that girl. I’ve been doing the CHRISTIAN thing a long, LONG time. I know the right way to style my hair, wear my clothes, apply my makeup, fix my speech. I know who to hang out with if I want to look like Sister Hallelujah and I know how to avoid the wrong crowd for appearance sake. Christians are skilled IMAGE consultants-but-the truth remains-I have gray roots, my clothes get wadded & stained, my skin’s aging- MAYBELLINE line eraser applicator is great-but, it only serves to camouflage my wrinkles; when I wash it off-I’m still un-perfect. I used to think that people wouldn’t admire the flawed me and I became the great pretender. I was so wrapped up in my image that I LOST who I was. If  only I could go back & be more like who I am today-REAL-I believe that I’d have more success to show for my efforts.

I’m just sayin…we have a lot of people trying to obtain perfection & measure up, for what? For who? I’ve been on both sides of the aisle & I struggle with-why we can’t all be who GOD purposed us to be and live according to HIS standards? Why do we care more about what they think than what I AM thinks? Dave Ramsey’s says it best-We buy things we don’t need-with money we don’t have-to impress people we don’t like. OUCH!  😀

When I feel like a failure because of how somebody’s judging me-I remember; JESUS was DESPISED, SPIT on, LAUGHED at, accused of being a FAKE by the most sanctimonious church people and the vilest worldly people. If they didn’t get who JESUS was..I mean who HE REALLY was–they sure as heck are NOT gonna get me!

SNOOKI got paid more to speak at a rally than Maya Angelou was paid to give a graduation speech recently. I don’t agree with the logic-in fact, it breaks my heart that we’ve sunk to this place in history. I’m sickened by the lack of respect hard working, incredibly talented people receive today- yet-I understand the  upside down respect scale. Everyday people have seen the painted on PHYSICAL PERFECTION for too long-from HOLLYWOOD stars flaunting  perfect teeth, perfect skin, perfect boobs, perfect knees and the CHURCH people peddling the PERFECT prosperity, perfect life, perfect thoughts-they’re asking us-WHAT’S REAL? WHO’S REAL? Is anything GENUINE? I’m desperately trying to be REAL-because that’s how JESUS led by HIS example–are you?

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