it’s SO quiet I could sCrEaM..

How do you cope with those quiet times when you’re frantically waiting to hear GOD say ANYTHING just because you REALLY need to hear HIS voice? You aren’t requesting an earth shattering roar, you’d be equally excited for just a faint whisper.  I’m talking about the critical moments when you aren’t hanging by a thread–you’re about to lose that last bit of fiber from the thread.

I find these times gut wrenchingly painful. On my hands and knees, day after day, night after night, begging GOD to send any form of reinforcement to bolster my hope. Despite how much I fast, pray, cry, beg, read, writhe & wail in sackcloth and ashes, I FEEL nothing but a deepening despair. The key word? FEEL. Listen, emotions are dangerous when we rely on them heavily.  HE doesn’t check out of my heart and check back in whenever HE feels like it. HE IS always where I am. No matter how I FEEL, I am never left alone.

I’ve never been afraid to try something new, in fact, a steady diet of challenges is my crack. My greatest fear is NOT being the best and measuring up to what GOD and everyone else expects. I’m an overachiever, so I never reach that place because it requires perfection. So there. I’ve told you what my personal weakness is. I’m prone to rely on my laurels to get me where I need to be and its really quite ridiculous to assume I can do that on my own. Moreover, why should I want to try?  HE created me according to HIS purposes for my life therefore, HE has the BEST way to get me there. DUH!!

During quiet times, I tend to assume that GOD’S had enough and given me over to a reprobate mind; I’m forever banished to the shelf of UNWORTHY and INCAPABLE. I’ve messed up too much this time, so there’s no way HE will  risk giving me any more assignments. Nine times out of ten I step into the same trap lucifer has used to snare me all my life. Talk about taking scripture out of context! I fall for the oldest trick in the book.

Frayed nerves only make things worse, but when GOD goes on the silent, I usually scream all the louder. I tell myself the right stuff. I may not see HIM, but HE’S here. I’m HIS daughter, the apple of HIS eye. I’m being prepared for HIS purposes. Truthfully, it’s not that I don’t have the right answers. I just want some additional ones to make me FEEL better. 😀

How do I cope? I remind myself that GOD isn’t breaking me without a reason. HE won’t keep me in an uncomfortable place any longer than necessary. Despite how unimportant I feel, I remind myself that GOD hasn’t lost confidence in me, if HE had-I wouldn’t be taking up valuable space on HIS planet. Basically, I give myself a good PEP talk using HIS words. LOL

My emotions can take me on a downward spiral if left undisciplined. As a whole, my life appears disjointed, mismatched, awkward.  Frequently I fall into the pit of comparison-stacking up what I’ve accomplished to what others have. It doesn’t take long to be buried by bitterness, envy, fear and hopelessness.  Take it from one who knows. You will suffocate beneath that filth. The best prevention is to recall how horrifying the pit was the last time I was trapped inside of it.

The best news? Not one time has HE ever refused to PULL me out of it. After umpteenth times in the hole, you’d think I’d refuse to go anywhere near it-but I’m a creature of habit.  I am slowly learning to stop being so gun-ho to DO things-for GOD- and more content at being-in GOD. I’m striving to cultivate & embrace the quiet instead of fighting so hard against it.  Definitely a difficult task for a chaotic chick like me, but like I said, I live for the challenge.

Precept upon precept. A little here and a little there. Line upon Line. Let patience have her perfect work. Stop being overwhelmed. L.I.S.T.E.N. Be still and KNOW HE IS GOD.

HE IS WITH YOU…

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nette's Place
    Mar 05, 2013 @ 13:44:26

    Reblogged this on nettesplace and commented:
    This is so good….I had to share it with all who visit Nette’s Place. He is with you!! ALWAYS!!

    Reply

  2. Nette's Place
    Mar 05, 2013 @ 13:48:44

    It sounds like you are writing my story again. 🙂 AND I believed it is a GOD THING that the study I am in right now is about those times when you cry out, but hear nothing. Feelings can lead you astray in those times so I must remind myself that “no matter, simply because I am HIS …..HE IS THERE”!

    Reply

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